Saturday, March 31, 2012

Nuts For This Bangle, Don't Screw It Up

Oh Ace Hardware, you helpful place.  They must know me by name now or at least by the reputation of that crazy girl who buys the most random stuff for her "DIY" projects......RIGHT.  After a bit of browsing, I selected a Corner Brace, and have no idea what it's actual purpose is.  As far as I'm concerned, it's the newest and hottest accessory, at least according to Lady Gaga.  Let's turn it into some kind of futuristic, weird, box looking yeah, that pretty much describes my thought process if you were wondering.  

Here's some pics just to get you inspired...

This hand accessory will be for my NEXT trip to the hardware store...

Supplies You'll Need:

  • Corner Brace, 3 1/2 X 5/8 in
  • 4 Hex Cap Screws, 1/4 X 2 1/2 in
  • Super or hot glue

Step 1) Set up the Corner Brace in a regular Linkin Log fashion, hopefully your screws fit in the holes of your corner brace, it was kind of a hit and miss deal, but we were lucky this time!

Step 2) After you've nicely arranged your metal corner brace thang, glue down the nails to the plates and the plates together in the areas that are touching...that makes sense right?  I used super glue and realized it takes a lot longer than hot glue to dry, not good for someone with a low tolerance of patience...but it looks waaay classier, am I right??

P.S. Ignore my cracked nail polish, won't happen again! (lies)

Step 3) Set up your half bangle on some sort of contraption to dry without having the nails slide out or brace coming unglued.  I propped mine on some pill cases cause, well it was convenient. 

Step 4) After that has dried for a good hour or so, flip it upside down so the screws face upward once again.  And now for the tricky part, slide the top two pieces onto the screws, in the same way it was set up for the bottom.  Glue the pieces together in the same way.  Be careful, this is super glue, not the Elmer's glue from kindergarden that you used to eat when the teacher told you not to.

Step 5) Glue the top of all four screws, ya know, just in case.

And there you have it!  It's a little heavy and HIGHLY unconventional, but speeds your style through a couple of milleniums or so.  And then if you actually need a corner brace, you always have one handy.  Win-Win.

I think Paris needs one to compliment her equally classy outfit, am I right or am I right?

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Give Me Platforms Or Give Me Death

So guess what.  Yup you got it, another thing came in the mail.  Wrapped in an imaginary satin bow were a pair of shoes so ridiculous, so epic, so fantasmal, they had to be shared with my favorite readers (that's you).  I would like to also extend a sincere apology for being lazy and laying down on a towel in the sun instead of supplying you with the latest and most ridiculous clip of the fashion world, all according to me of course.  These platform, sneaker brogues clearly mirror the styles from Prada from their Spring 2011 collection (even men can wear them, check out those hairy legs below).  My little rule is that is takes about a year or so for high fashion to trickle down to the little people like us.  Oh your humble servants will always anxiously await what will next be supplied to our thirsty fashion needs yet thin wallet.  But no worries, I usually can predict what's going to happen next.  Like Emeril Lagasse......BAM!

Prada's little beauties...and now mine! For a lot more bang for my buck, mind you...

AND here is what came in the mail for me, I forgot to tell you I was a professional model.

Yeah, I'm a gangster.

A more modern twist on this brogue would be CREEPERS, sure to be coming to a store near you!  These Brothel shoes actually made their origin in Africa during World War I, I didn't know those soldiers were such punk rock ska-er's.  Well, I guess that stereotype didn't come until later until Vivienne Westwood dusted them with her expensive fairy magic.  They were also popular during the 1950's and worn by "Teddy Boys".  So there, you can't say I never paid attention in history class. BTW, I think this girl might be a little better at modeling, might be her actual day job...

Ooh now here's a MIB I wanna try! Now if I can find any shoes that are cheap enough to cover with a Sharpie....(plus the studs will add instant class, as always).

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Me No Speak Americano

Oh America, sweet home of the brave, land of the free, with rolling plains of majesty....errrm something like that.  Thank gawd for good 'ol Betsey Ross for creating our national flag, now a staple for any wardrobe to show our loving affection for great inventions like fast food and whatever else we make (other than the 99% of imports we get from China, of course).

Prepare yourself for explicit language and the cold hard truth.  Not sayin' I'm supporting it but well....I laughed at it?

Anywhoo, lets get to fashion.  I mean what does match blue and white stars with red stripes?  Probably nothing, but that's besides the point.  There is no better way to represent your country than through obnixious pieces referencing our equally loud flag design.  Props to Fated to Be Hated blogger, Bebe Zeva, for pulling it off.

UNICEF is currently one of my favorite brands for many reasons other than their "Jesus saves I spend" t-shirts.  I'll eventuate dedicate an entire post for their holy shrine but until then, feel free to take a look at their awesome collection of clothing and equally fascinating blog.  

Rock and roll baby, this is AMERICA!

I see a potential MIB lurking ahead, is it disrespectful to cut up a flag and glue it to your crotch instead?

Now Jeffrey Campbell really knows how to show some patriotism!

Okay, nevermind.  Let's just all move to Europe, they have fun things like crepes and the Leaning Tower of Piza.

P.S. Not hating on America because well.....I live there.  It's just some sweet and loving banter, like an adorable sibling rivalry kind of thing.